I had so many plans for this goodbye, but plans never really seemed to work for you and I. I could write this letter in a thousand different ways, or maybe I should let it go and hope for better days. No matter how many words I write, I always find something more to say.
It’s hard to keep perspective when your thoughts are deceptive, and I keep playing the situation over to the point of repetitive. I wonder why life is darker without you, and I wonder if it feels like you lost something too. Guess it doesn’t really matter, the reasons why, but I still stumble on the questions when I close my eyes.
Maybe you’re so used to men wanting you to be their whore, it’s hard for you to believe that somebody could want more. I never sought control or to take away your soul, I just wanted my pieces to match yours and make us both whole. I wanted to fill your life with love, music and laughter, and rise above our challenges and smile about them after. To catch you when you falter and push you to succeed, and know we have each other when we reach for our dreams.
Maybe you believe you don’t deserve to live in someone’s heart, maybe you thought that right from the start. I know how often you forget all the beautiful things you are, but I keep them safe in my memories, no matter how far. So when the cold puts the fire out, and you can’t see, I’ll keep your light alive inside, forever with me.
Maybe you weren’t ready for the love you said you had, or was it something about me that made those feelings go bad? I felt somehow I was different to what you knew, and those closest to you confirmed it, too. I don’t think I could be like those other men, I don’t know how to be anything like them. I just wanted to be with you till the end.
But I think we both know, I can never measure up to the past, no matter how hard I try, or how long my love lasts. I guess I should have always known, I guess I should have asked. Were the words you said to me, the words he said to you? Did you hear his voice awakening what you’d buried deep inside of you? All those words you spoke in darkness, but never in full view? I hope some day he says them, exactly the way you want him to.
I wish you every happiness, as you remember where your heart lies, and I say this final goodbye, with no tears in my eyes, and the hope that someday you find the sun shining in your sky.
But I still wish you wanted to be the light in mine.
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This has been the final piece in the diamond series.
(Source: mister-selfdestruct)
