I really just feel sorry for whoever threw you away.

For whoever wasted their chance to be with you and hold you close the way I do, because nothing has ever felt so right. It’s not that other things didn’t feel right, this just feels like my chest has been straining underwater, and I’m breaching the surface to breathe fresh air. Somebody else had that. Somebody else held you close and then took advantage of you until you had to leave. Somebody watched you walk out the door and didn’t care enough to throw themselves at your feet and beg your forgiveness.

Not everything works out the way you hope, I guess. That’s why you’re sitting here next to me, wondering what evil thoughts I may be thinking, when I’m just trying to process the fact that someone let that smile out of their sight. I love putting it up there, for me to gaze up at and close my eyes and just let all those thoughts escape out my ears for a moment or two.

Things happen for a reason, because that’s just how I see the world. I can’t help but think that all the time I spent working up the nerve to smile at you has somehow paid off. I feel that somehow, things worked out for this to be one of the better timelines. Too soon, and you might have held back and worn a mask made up of gun shy and distance, too late, and someone else might have you making their every day special. You could have had your own inside jokes, your own language, your own body language and eye signals with someone else. You should know how much I love knowing that I’m the one you bite your lip at, and the one whose lips you bite, and I don’t even give a fuck who hears us laughing.

I just know that smile of yours fucking kills me.

(Source: mister-selfdestruct)